EPHESIANS 5:25 SAYS, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” Paul is not talking about natural love in this verse, because he said, “even as Christ also loved the church.” The type of love he is talking about is beyond natural love. It far exceeds human love. Christ loved the Church with divine love.
Paul was not writing to sinners. An unsaved man could not love his wife in the same way Christ loved the Church. That would be impossible! He doesn’t have that kind of love inside him. He has a natural, human love for his wife—not a divine love.
Natural, human love can be selfish. Although God’s love may be in your heart as a Christian, you can still be selfish. You can be primarily interested in yourself and not in others. The God-kind of love, however, is unselfish.
Who Submits to Whom?
In talking about marriage, people often bring up Ephesians 5:22 where Paul tells wives to submit themselves to their own husbands. But if we look at verse 21, we see that Paul, in giving instructions to the entire church at Ephesus, said, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” Then in the next verse, he brings up the marriage relationship.
By taking a scripture out of its setting, you can make it say anything you want it to say. People have often quoted verse 22 about wives submitting to their husbands out of context. They leave the impression that the man is the dictator of the home, and the woman is supposed to do whatever he says. Well, if that’s the case, we in the Church are supposed to be dictators over one another as well, because verse 21 tells the entire Church at Ephesus to “submit yourselves one to another.”
What did Paul really mean? He was telling the Ephesians to get along with each other. He never meant for any one person in the Church to be a dictator over others. He wanted the Ephesians to understand that it was easy to submit to the rule of love. Paul was saying the same thing when he said, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands.”
Some get into doctrinal error by overemphasizing that the husband is the head of the wife. They say that the wife doesn’t have any say-so whatsoever. And they believe that the husband has the right to treat her like a doormat.
Cherishing Each Other
But the Bible teaches that the husband should love his wife in the same way that Christ loves the Church. He should nourish and cherish his wife as Christ cherishes the Church. The husband should cherish his wife’s health and happiness by putting her first. He should love her better than he does himself.
God is love. And man is God’s creation. Therefore man is a creation of love. When God created woman to be man’s companion and helpmeet, He took a part of man and formed the woman. The woman became flesh of his flesh and bone of his bone (Gen. 2:23).
Notice in Ephesians 5:28, Paul made reference to what God did in Genesis—how God made woman out of man: “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.”
The Lord also said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him” (Gen. 2:18). The Hebrew word for helpmeet means “an answering unto.” I think that’s the most unique expression in this wonderful description. A woman was made as an answer to the heart need, the spiritual need, the mental need, and the physical need of a man.
God intended that the wife be the queen, or the head, of the home. Now the man is the head of the wife, but she is the head of the home. Paul wrote to Timothy, “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house” (1 Tim. 5:14). The Greek actually says “rule the household.” That doesn’t mean the wife is to rule her husband. It means she is to rule the household.
God’s ideal for marriage is that every woman be queen in her home, that her home should be her empire. And her husband and children are her beloved subjects. It is to be a love kingdom. It is a historical fact that no nation rises above its homes. And no home rises above its motherhood.
Choosing Your Mate
“The husband should love his wife in the same way that Christ loves the church.”
The Christian who marries someone who is not born again marries into a family ruled by Satan. Three things happen as a result: the Christian forfeits his freedom, limits his fellowship with God, and puts himself under bondage to the world.
Christians make the mistake of thinking they can get their soon-to-be spouse born again. Although this sometimes happens, more often than not it doesn’t. Instead of marrying someone who is not born again, find someone whose spiritual level is equal to yours and then build your life together from that point.
Author
Kenneth E. Hagin
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